Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Let it go.

Ever since I can remember...I've been a...a...shit, this is hard to admit... Ugh, fine. I'll tell you: I've been a...a...

A sore loser.

Phew, there. I said it. Nope, nuh-uh - doesn't feel better like I thought it would, it still burns. But, fine - let me explain further.

As a child I used to cheat. Not in real sports, I would never do that (did I mention I have a skewed moral compass?) but in card games, board games like Sorry, Clue, Chess, etc etc. I'd cheat my little heart out. & I'm not going to lie - I still do.

I just can't stand losing. When I know it's coming, I feel it building in my stomach. This ball of anguish that is silently screaming "you suck, you suck, you suck, how could you LOSE!? Don't you know how much we hate that!?" As the game continues, that ball of anguish continues up from my stomach through my intestines & into my heart where it settles like an angry weight.

Now, this occurs not only in my own personal games which have resulted in various temper tantrums (i.e. I've swept chess pieces off a board mid-game against my brother in anger as well as overturned a Sorry board after being told "I'm soooooorrrrrrry!") but also when watching my various beloved sporting teams. Big Boston losses have led me to throw things, punch things & shed furious angry tears.

And thus brings me to crux of this post: the most recent Super Bowl loss of my beloved Patriots.

I didn't watch ESPN for a week after the loss (to date, I still haven't been able to watch SportsCenter), I still rush to change the channel every time that stupid Disney ad comes on with Eli Manning's stupid face grinning his dim-witted smile, I have yet to reactive my iPhone ESPN apps breaking news...in short, my media blackout is still not fully "in." This was my way of "handling" the loss: complete blindness & pushing the emotions down, much like one represses horrifying childhood memories of school-yard taunting (oh crap - now I'm hearing "Johanna hog! Johanna hog!" chanting in my head...)

I obviously don't do loss well. Not in sports, not in life. I'd rather pretend it didn't happen, the proverbial ostrich head in the sand. These blinders work out well...for the most part.

But tonight, while watching the Bruins lose handily to the Rangers (while I love America: red, white & blue has NOT been kind to me lately...) I came to realization (one that is for most, an easy fact of life):

You win some, you lose some.

I can get mad. I can wipe pieces off a chess board & throw a fit. I can cheat by peeking at my opponent's hand. What I can't do is change the outcome of the game (or life if we should decide to apply this lesson to a higher level.) The only thing I can control is how I react to this loss.

Does this mean I'm going to watch replays of the loss? Abso-frickin-lutely not. I'd rather burn my eyes out with hot pokers. What I can accept are the following:

We lost. To a team, that while they may not have been better all around, they were - suck it up & say it - better that night. They scored more points. The Patriots made stupid plays/mistakes. At the end of the day, the Patriots lost. But they were also one of only two teams that made it to the final. The Jets weren't in the finals. Brady & Belichick are still gods. At least it wasn't a perfect season to blow.

And finally, the most important lesson: the Patriots did not deserve to win that game.

It's a hard truth to swallow, but that is often the case in life.


And there will always be another season. I will always be a Patriots fan. I won't jump ship in shitty seasons or leap back on in great ones. I pride myself on being a full-fledged pre-2004 Red Sox fan. I've seen bigger choke jobs in sports, I've had the Sox crush my very soul while living in the heart of Yankee country, watched the Bruins go up 3 games on the Flyers in the playoffs only to lose the series but I've been rewarded for my patience & dedication.

Because while losing sucks, nothing is better than sticking through and by a team for the big win because it makes it all the more sweeter.

1 comment:

  1. I will have to keep my eye on you the next time we play Left Right Center :P

    ReplyDelete