Ah yes, the fabled Irish Exit...so this isn't technically a sporting related event however it is a useful skill to have. I have been perfecting this since college when I would drunkenly realize my time had come and it was time to be sent home. There are always barriers to the Irish Exit so here are some tips to successfully accomplish a discreet exit:
1. Once you make the decision that you want to discreetly exit a location and are sure of your ability to make your own way home, start mapping your exits. The most successful Exit is at a bar you're familiar with. In these cases casually mention you're going to the bathroom. After doing so, make sure you have all of your belongings (purse, jacket, phone etc.)
2. Silently push your way through the crowd. Do NOT say good bye to ANY ONE. Discretion is key in the Exit. Even if you see your own mother, give a slight nod and move along.
3. Should you run into any friends/acquaintances on your way out simply glance at them and say "Oh yeah, I just have to go...real bad...see you in a bit" then continue on your way. If you're a smoker, even better because then there's a valid reason for going outside.
4. When you spy the exit, don't run. Running is a rookie mistake as it tips people off that you're escaping alone. Instead, slowly make your way towards the entrance while avoiding eye contact with any one around you.
5. Once you hit the fresh air don't assume you're home free. There tend to be smoking lurkers so just move along at a normal pace even though you might be tempted by the pizza place directly next to the bar. This is a special distraction to the Exit so try to avoid it.
6. Make your way home carefully...I cannot stress that enough: if you're not the drinking type that can make it home on their own do not even attempt an Irish exit!! Do feel free to grab some food on the way though as long as its a safe distance from the bar with low possibility of being caught - I recommend kebabs.
The Morning After: odds are, if you're a rookie Irish exiter, your friends are going to be none too happy about you ghosting. Best advice is to not bring it up unless they do. If it's brought up then make your apologies, say you just didn't want to embarrass yourself because you were sooo drunk & leave it at that.
Happy Exiting!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
The 'OFMo'
This is a term I came up with watching countless snowboarding movies where guys ate it on missed tricks & then realized it could be extended to all sporting events soo onto the explanation we go!
'OFMo' is that turning point where you, as an individual athlete, member of a team or fan of either realizes that you're/they're going to fail in your/their athletic attempt.
It stands for the 'oh-fuck-moment.'
As stated above, I first coined this term while watching snowboarding videos & it tends to give some of the best examples of the OFMo such as this ...if you skip to 3:50 on the video you'll see the definition of the OFMo. Everything is going fine, flying through the air, when oh fuck you realize you did not do that trick right & you're about to face plant.
So from that initial development of the OFMo in snowboarding I realized this magical term can extend to all sports. My personal favorite is the third goal in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals as you can almost hear the crowd going "Oh fuck, we cannot come back from this."
This little gem of a term can also extend into various real life situations. Picture it: you're out shopping on Newbury St., found parking on the street, threw a couple coins in the meter & hit the shops knowing you had to be back in two hours. All of a sudden, four stores & two margaritas later you glance at your watch to note the time & "Oh fuck, I now have a boot on my car tire."
OR it's Sunday morning, you're hungover & getting ready to pay for your delicious greasy diner meal. You slowly go to grab your wallet, dismayed to find no cash, "Oh its totes ok!" you say to the waitress, "I'll put it on my debit card!" As your leaden fingers fumble about for your bank card it all comes screaming back to you & you remember "oh fuck, I did not close my tab at the bar last night."
There you have it: a new term to describe any moment in your life that angrily smacks you in the middle of the forehead & yells that you done messed up.
'OFMo' is that turning point where you, as an individual athlete, member of a team or fan of either realizes that you're/they're going to fail in your/their athletic attempt.
It stands for the 'oh-fuck-moment.'
As stated above, I first coined this term while watching snowboarding videos & it tends to give some of the best examples of the OFMo such as this ...if you skip to 3:50 on the video you'll see the definition of the OFMo. Everything is going fine, flying through the air, when oh fuck you realize you did not do that trick right & you're about to face plant.
So from that initial development of the OFMo in snowboarding I realized this magical term can extend to all sports. My personal favorite is the third goal in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals as you can almost hear the crowd going "Oh fuck, we cannot come back from this."
This little gem of a term can also extend into various real life situations. Picture it: you're out shopping on Newbury St., found parking on the street, threw a couple coins in the meter & hit the shops knowing you had to be back in two hours. All of a sudden, four stores & two margaritas later you glance at your watch to note the time & "Oh fuck, I now have a boot on my car tire."
OR it's Sunday morning, you're hungover & getting ready to pay for your delicious greasy diner meal. You slowly go to grab your wallet, dismayed to find no cash, "Oh its totes ok!" you say to the waitress, "I'll put it on my debit card!" As your leaden fingers fumble about for your bank card it all comes screaming back to you & you remember "oh fuck, I did not close my tab at the bar last night."
There you have it: a new term to describe any moment in your life that angrily smacks you in the middle of the forehead & yells that you done messed up.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Girls Guide to Fantasy Football
Needless to say, it's been awhile. & there was much in the sporting world I missed out on discussing: most importantly the Boston Bruins winning the Stanley Cup. However, since I was trapped in England & missed out on the majority of the playoffs I was relatively bitter so I refused to write.
But! with my impending return to the US of A set for the end of September, you can expect more action here.
And so that brings us to the first post of the Fall season: Fantasy Football!
This will be my third season as a participant in a fantasy football league & for me I began since my boyfriend at the time was in one & I had just discovered my love for the game. Now, if you're a girl that is simply a casual observer of the game but are worried about your boyfriend ignoring you in favor of fantasy football stats, missing out on the office pool & ensuing banter or simply have a gambling problem then this is the guide for you!
1. The Name - as girls, we like to be witty & clever while tending to look down upon men as, well, not. The exception to this seems to be the fantasy football team name; you'd be surprised at what these boys will come up with. Some examples: Favre Dollar Footlongs, Kibbles & Vick, Corn on the Schaub & Washing Some Headskins. For the most part, boys will do a play on words refrencing specific players or teams but there are also the ubiquitous options of names such as Multiple Scoregasams, TDs & Beer and Fourth Down Syndrome.
Now clearly being politically correct is not a requirement so go wild out there & try to come up with something that is original, football based & makes the guys say 'Oh shit, this girl knows her stuff.' (Even if you have to cheat by Google'ing football terms & going from there.)
2. The Draft - the first draft I was involved in I set it to auto-draft which will pick the best player available according to the site's ranking of players. While this is a good way to get a decent team I prefer to do it myself as I'm prone to picking a QB first (a big FF no-no as you're meant to take a solid RB first.) I go for the QB because if you get a good one that throws a lot of TDs that's easy points. So usually, I pick the best QB available then start going down the recommended list. Don't get all fancy & pick 'underdogs' that are way down the list. While they might have a breakout year, odds are you're going to spend the year breaking down about being in last.
Another positive on the live draft is the shit-talking; even if you don't participate it's like being invited into the boy's club as they tend to not moderate what they say due to only the one or two ladies present.
3. Match play - depending on the set-up of your league game play should be head-to-head match play meaning your team goes up against another team in your league. This is prime time to talk shit & its particularly sweet to beat the boys. While odds are the boys are going to have the better team, you'll still win at least a game or two & that will be a sweet, sweet day to taunt the men.
Some final tips: don't bet more than $20-30 unless you're rolling in the dough as its unlikely you'll win (sad but true.) Do not, I repeat, do NOT ever whine if a guy trash talks in an inappropriate manner or a trade doesn't go through your way - you're playing in their territory & you will automatically validate all womanly complaints they had about letting 'a chick in the league' (again - sad but true.) And finally, have fun out there. Its just a game & it ends up being an amusing distraction on those hungover Monday's at work trying to see if you won your match or if you still have players to go in MNF.
Now obviously this guide is not telling you how to win. Because lets face it, I've never come in higher than 5th in my league. What it will give you is a good time, a little casual gambling & a chance to piss off a bunch of guys by getting involved in their business. Additional benefits of joining a fantasy league is you tend to pay more attention to what is going on in games (besides just your hometown team) because you have certain players you're interested in. Nothing like a little competitive action to spice up your Sunday!
But! with my impending return to the US of A set for the end of September, you can expect more action here.
And so that brings us to the first post of the Fall season: Fantasy Football!
This will be my third season as a participant in a fantasy football league & for me I began since my boyfriend at the time was in one & I had just discovered my love for the game. Now, if you're a girl that is simply a casual observer of the game but are worried about your boyfriend ignoring you in favor of fantasy football stats, missing out on the office pool & ensuing banter or simply have a gambling problem then this is the guide for you!
1. The Name - as girls, we like to be witty & clever while tending to look down upon men as, well, not. The exception to this seems to be the fantasy football team name; you'd be surprised at what these boys will come up with. Some examples: Favre Dollar Footlongs, Kibbles & Vick, Corn on the Schaub & Washing Some Headskins. For the most part, boys will do a play on words refrencing specific players or teams but there are also the ubiquitous options of names such as Multiple Scoregasams, TDs & Beer and Fourth Down Syndrome.
Now clearly being politically correct is not a requirement so go wild out there & try to come up with something that is original, football based & makes the guys say 'Oh shit, this girl knows her stuff.' (Even if you have to cheat by Google'ing football terms & going from there.)
2. The Draft - the first draft I was involved in I set it to auto-draft which will pick the best player available according to the site's ranking of players. While this is a good way to get a decent team I prefer to do it myself as I'm prone to picking a QB first (a big FF no-no as you're meant to take a solid RB first.) I go for the QB because if you get a good one that throws a lot of TDs that's easy points. So usually, I pick the best QB available then start going down the recommended list. Don't get all fancy & pick 'underdogs' that are way down the list. While they might have a breakout year, odds are you're going to spend the year breaking down about being in last.
Another positive on the live draft is the shit-talking; even if you don't participate it's like being invited into the boy's club as they tend to not moderate what they say due to only the one or two ladies present.
3. Match play - depending on the set-up of your league game play should be head-to-head match play meaning your team goes up against another team in your league. This is prime time to talk shit & its particularly sweet to beat the boys. While odds are the boys are going to have the better team, you'll still win at least a game or two & that will be a sweet, sweet day to taunt the men.
Some final tips: don't bet more than $20-30 unless you're rolling in the dough as its unlikely you'll win (sad but true.) Do not, I repeat, do NOT ever whine if a guy trash talks in an inappropriate manner or a trade doesn't go through your way - you're playing in their territory & you will automatically validate all womanly complaints they had about letting 'a chick in the league' (again - sad but true.) And finally, have fun out there. Its just a game & it ends up being an amusing distraction on those hungover Monday's at work trying to see if you won your match or if you still have players to go in MNF.
Now obviously this guide is not telling you how to win. Because lets face it, I've never come in higher than 5th in my league. What it will give you is a good time, a little casual gambling & a chance to piss off a bunch of guys by getting involved in their business. Additional benefits of joining a fantasy league is you tend to pay more attention to what is going on in games (besides just your hometown team) because you have certain players you're interested in. Nothing like a little competitive action to spice up your Sunday!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)